A year and 8 days later.... :)

A year and 8 days later I decided to finally write something on this blog. It is actually 4:00 in the morning as I write this. Once again no sleep for me. Struggling with crazy fear tonight. There is SO much that could be said right now of what this past year has been for me, but right now in this moment I am grateful for the Lords sustaining grace, and how He has yet to let go of me despite my kicking, screaming and bad attitudes as I walked through once again difficult trials. The picture at the top of my blog represents what I pray this year will be for me. Full of HOPE. Trusting whatever might come my way knowing that this is all part of a bigger plan. I often find my heart singing a few of the same songs over and over. One of them is God moves :

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm
Deep in His dark and hidden mines
With never-failing skill
He fashions all His bright designs
And works His sovereign will

So God we trust in You
O God we trust in You

O fearful saints new courage take
The clouds that you now dread
Are big with mercy and will break
In blessings on your head
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for His grace
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face

So God we trust in You
O God we trust in You
When tears are great
And comforts few
We hope in mercies ever new
We trust in You

God’s purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding every hour
The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain
God is His own interpreter
And He will make it plain

The others one I find myself singing are: In Christ Alone, He's always been faithful to me, How do I thank you oh Lord, Before the throne of God above, There is a Higher Throne, Jesus Thank you, There is a day. Aww such precious words that bring HOPE to our lives. I long for that day when we will be gathered around the throne singing praises to His name. With NO more tears, NO more pain. Oh come quickly Lord. 

Until next time I leave you this sweet picture of the girl I last talked about on my blog a year ago. 

Here is Gracie from her first birthday party just a few days ago as she takes on her birthday cake. 

This picture looks like it came out of magazine. SO precious! 

Happy birthday sweet girl! You have such a special place in my heart. I love you!

Meet Gracie

On September 16th sweet Grace Suzanne Mawhinney was born at 8:23 in the morning. She was 7 pounds, 6 oz & 20 inches long. Sweet Gracie was born to a young 15 year old girl who choose to give her child a better life by giving her up for adoption. It gives me chills thinking about all that this young, vulnerable girl has had to walk through this past year. How amazing to think of God's redemption, love & grace He has for not only Gracie but her birth mom. Scott, Janna thank you for your example you have been to me in the way you have walked through this LONG process. Cried out to God for His help, His provision, His wisdom. I am rejoicing with you here. Wishing you were still only a street away so I could serve your family, but I am thankful that I still have the opportunity to be apart of your lives. I can't wait to meet this precious girl. To watch what God has in store for her life, to watch Michael & Levi be the protectors of their little sister and to see all the pink that gets to enter your house now ;) I love yall!

God

It is 7:00 in the morning on Saturday, and I am exhausted but I am full of hope, gratitude and thankfulness as I am seeing God work around me & through me. I went to bed late last night partly because that whole process of me turning off the lights, going to bed & knowing that I am here alone is still pretty hard for me. About a week & half ago I had a very scary night, but grateful for how in this very difficult situation I have had friends that have gotten up at 3:30 in the morning to sit with me as I wait for AAA & then welcomed me into their home, who have listened, cared and how in this I have cried out to God to help me in the overwhelming fear & anxiety that has seem to overtake me lately. I have had some very hard circumstances in my life lately, ones that if I had known they were coming my way I would have told God "no way," and probably runaway (like I always do ;) BUT now looking back I am so grateful to see the depths of what God has done in my heart. My trust towards others, and especially Him has grown in ways I never thought possible. This is only the beginning of me changing, but isn't that part of the process of continually trusting Him daily? Just a few months ago I remember thinking, pondering my major lack of trust towards others, and toward a God who I know in my mind is sovereign, good, and has my best interest in heart. Yet in my mind I was continually not believing that He was those things. Not wanting to fall into self-pity, but just knowing my past, my life I was starting to wondering would I ever be FREE, and increasingly becoming angry towards those around me, and even angry at the God that has given me MORE than I could ever think, want or deserve. I think being "FREE" is me daily continually crying out to God for His help, talking to myself, believing the best of every situation, and rejoicing with others. This is SO hard for me, but I am grateful that my heart has turned, and God has help me direct my eyes Heavenward so that I can see the amazing power of the Cross and the blood that was poured out for me. I am learning to love God more & more, and in a new, deeper way. I am feeling somewhat free of not being held down by my continued sin, or past sin, and knowing that there is grace for today. I still hope & pray that this is my heart a week from now, or even a year from now. We serve a faithful God, and I know what He has brought me through, and probably will bring my way again is to only learn to trust Him more, to have a child-like faith and grow deeper in my walk with Him. O God of strength Your hand is on my life Bringing peace to me You know my frame, You know how I am made You planned all my days Hand of mercy, hand of love Giving power to overcome If all beneath me falls away I know that You are God

For those of you not on Facebook

Look what I received in the mail the other day. A very cute notepad with my initial of course and some gift certificates to Outback. My dad is so generous & amazing that he would choose to give these to me.

Every pattern of Vera Bradley :)

Isn't it adorable? :) Inside it has some of Vera's journal entries from 1931, and also has information about each pattern. Like when it was started, & retired. I LOVE it!! I put a $100 from my tax refund aside to spend in anyway and just to have fun. So I brought this, got a pedicure/manicure, and some fun gifts for friends children. I don't have much money left, but it has been fun!!

Haircut

SO it probably looks like I did not get a lot cut off but when you see how much she thinned out you would be surprised. There was a WHOLE lot of hair on the ground. I am trying to keep it long for the summer/early fall then going to chop it short again :) I know, I know not the best quality picture but I still wanted to show you :)

Healer

I love this song, but when I heard this little girl in the video sing it the other day this song became even more meaningful to me. SO many people recently I know lately have been dealing with cancer, health issues, death of loved ones that had battling different diseases and seeing how she has chosen to glorify God through these difficult circumstances is beyond what I can even comprehend. It made me realize that I need to have faith for these friends & family, and be in prayer for their lives. I love seeing God glorify Himself through children. He is worthy to be praised. P.S. The day she sang this song was the first day in 7 months that she had been back to church, and the pastor came up to her that morning and asked her if she wanted to sing that song at the end of the service. I think she did an AMAZING job for being so young and finding out that morning :) "I believe You're my healer I believe You are all I need I believe You're my portion I believe You're more than enough for me Jesus, You're all I need You hold my every moment You calm my raging seas You walk with me through fire And heal all my disease I trust in You I trust in You I believe You're my healer I believe You are all I need I believe You're my portion I believe You're more than enough for me Jesus, You're all I need Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You!"