Condemnation or Conviction?

It took a LOT of humbling myself and breaking of my pride to make it to church this morning. I remember at one point saying to God, am I even suppose to go. For those of you who don't know, my car broke down last night and so I had to get a ride to church. I had 2 dear friends offer to bring me (BUT I knew that they were busy, and I felt awful asking them...though I did have to finally in the end ask one of them to pick me up) Even though I hate to admit it YES it is SOOO HARD for me to ask for help (that was for you Jenn :) Anyways I was NOT prepared or ready for what we were taught about this morning. What really impacted me was when Benny (one of our pastor's) said what is bigger in your life condemnation or conviction, legalisim or having a pure conscience. I remember at one point in the sermon feeling like someone had knocked the wind out of me. Condmenation is just what I struggle with on a daily basis and leagalism has more of a hold on me than I thought. It seems lately that God is lifting this veil from my eyes and allowing the Cross to be bigger and to see sin as sin (even though I still try to make excuses), and to deal with these patterns of indwelling sin. But it's all so overwhelming, scary, sad and most of the time I feel myself pulling away. Father my heart's cry is that I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, continue to open my arms out to You and to kneel at Your throne of grace. Lord may I continue to know and BELIEVE that I am forgiven. I have no need to walk in condemnation, but to walk in the freedom that your Son brought for me on the Cross. Break the patterns of indwelling sin (pride, anger, self-suffenceiny, jealousy). Show me where legalism is in my heart. Help me to have a humble heart and to seek out accountablitly, wisdom and encouragment. Lord may my life be a testmant of your faithfulness and may your glory shine through to reach others, especially my family. I learned this song this past week, and the words have really spoken to me. I think they best sum up my hearts desire. Ready Now By: Desperation Band You come like you promised you would I want to surrender for good I know that i need you And i dont want to keep living life alone So take my heart and make it new make it true And make it like you Take my hands I lift them high They're yours not mine to do Do what you will Do what you will Do what you will I am ready now I am ready now I am ready now I feel like a blind man in you sight I know that im wicked in your eyes So wash me and make me shine like the sun I want to tell everyone that youre the only one

Haiti update

How amazing is our God. Not only did I recieve my first check today for fundrasing (and it was a wonderful way to start it off) I also recieved my passport that I was not suppose to recieve for at least a couple more weeks. I paid a little bit more money so I would not have to wait the 10 weeks, but the lady was certain it would at least be 4 to 5. Simply amazing! I cannot wait to see all that God does to bring this together and what a testmant of His faithfulness this will be to my family and my friends.

Faith

“We cannot make ourselves Holy. But when we surrender ourselves to the Lord, learning day by day to treat all that comes to us with peace of soul and firm conviction that His will governs all, He will see to our growth in Grace. He will so govern the events of our lives, down to the smallest detail, as to provide for us the conditions which will make us fruitful…Faith need never ask, “But what good did this do to me?” Faith already knows that everything fits into a pattern for good to those who love God. An inconvenience is always a blessed inconvenience. We may rest in the promise that God is fitting together a good many more things than are any of our business. We need never see, “what good it did,” or how a given trouble accomplishes anything. It is peace to leave it all with Him, asking only that He do with me anything He wants, anywhere, anytime, that God may be glorified.” Elisabeth Elliot

Prayer

I have gone back and forth to decide if I was going to post what I am getting ready to write, BUT since it is my post I guess I can write what I want, huh? :o) So I wanted to ask you to pray for me. I wish I could be more specfic to tell you what I need prayer for, but it's kind of diffcult to write it out. The only thing I can ask for is to pray for faith to trust Him in what is going on and that I will not continue to allow myself to feel condemnation instead that I would preach the gospel to myself! I hope to sometime soon post again and tell you all that the Lord is doing. Thank-you!

He's always been faithful

Last night at "Undivided" homegroup :o) I read a piece out of the Humilty book by: C.J. Mahaney. It said...."Acknowledge your need for me! Cast your cares upon me, and I will transform you (Kathy). For though I'm opposed to your pride, I'll give grace to you when you humble yourself, and I'll make you care free-not responsbility free, but care free. You'll be free from care. You'll instead be characterized by joy and peace." I confessed how with a certain situation in my life that has recently come up that I was not trusting Him at all. That He would give me the faith to continue to put one foot in front of the other and walk in His goodness. To know whatever the outcome it was for my good and His glory. Will you pray that I continue to walk with a heart of faith, TRUSTING HIM and that my response will be glorifying to Him. I also wanted to share a song with you that we sang last night. It is called "He's always been faithul," by: Sara Groves "Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine. Season by season, I watch Him amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways. All I have needed of His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. I can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain. I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting His hand. All I have needed of His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long. God has been faithful, He will be again. His loving compassion, it knows no end. All I have need of His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me." I hope that if there is a time in the next couple of days, you feel hopeless, uncertain of your future that this song will warm your soul and remind you of the faithfullness of our Father!

A blogspot that will change the way you see things....

Good morning! So there is a blogspot that I want to share with you. A few people I know from Georgia had it on there site, and after I read it my heart was changed. So it is noahsteven.blogspot.com I love the mom's honesty and where she is at. Her daughter Emily is adorable and by the pictures and few things that her mom has quoted she seems like she has a funny personality. This woman's honesty and willing to share her story, taught me (once again) that God is in control and I am not. That He is Sovereign and I am not. That He loves me more than I could ever know. Though it is still a constant battle for me with understanding and believing those things, just knowing that He allowed me to see that gives me peace for a little while, but it's weird how it raises questions in your heart too. The questions that none of us ever want to face. There is a "You Tube" video on there blog on January 27th. It's worth watching. I hope God encourages and blesses you somehow through this. I hope you have a wonderful day!

Haiti ready or not.....

Well I can finally can tell ALL of you now that I am officially going to Haiti, THIS June from the 4th-11th! I am so EXCITED! I told my dad this morning. I am glad it is out of the way. Please pray for his heart, and that God would give him peace about this. GUESS WHAT! I get to work at a children's orphanage while I am there. TOTALLY a dream come true for me. Please be in prayer for my heart, for the finances, and for my health. I look forward to sharing more about it with you as it draws closer and even after.

I finally have a blog! It might have taken me forever to figure it out, but I finally did it! I look forward to sharing what is going on, since a lot of you I don't get to talk to on a regualar basis or don't even talk anymore. It's been so amazing to be able to read some of your blogs and see all that God has doing in your lives.