Condemnation or Conviction?

It took a LOT of humbling myself and breaking of my pride to make it to church this morning. I remember at one point saying to God, am I even suppose to go. For those of you who don't know, my car broke down last night and so I had to get a ride to church. I had 2 dear friends offer to bring me (BUT I knew that they were busy, and I felt awful asking them...though I did have to finally in the end ask one of them to pick me up) Even though I hate to admit it YES it is SOOO HARD for me to ask for help (that was for you Jenn :) Anyways I was NOT prepared or ready for what we were taught about this morning. What really impacted me was when Benny (one of our pastor's) said what is bigger in your life condemnation or conviction, legalisim or having a pure conscience. I remember at one point in the sermon feeling like someone had knocked the wind out of me. Condmenation is just what I struggle with on a daily basis and leagalism has more of a hold on me than I thought. It seems lately that God is lifting this veil from my eyes and allowing the Cross to be bigger and to see sin as sin (even though I still try to make excuses), and to deal with these patterns of indwelling sin. But it's all so overwhelming, scary, sad and most of the time I feel myself pulling away. Father my heart's cry is that I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, continue to open my arms out to You and to kneel at Your throne of grace. Lord may I continue to know and BELIEVE that I am forgiven. I have no need to walk in condemnation, but to walk in the freedom that your Son brought for me on the Cross. Break the patterns of indwelling sin (pride, anger, self-suffenceiny, jealousy). Show me where legalism is in my heart. Help me to have a humble heart and to seek out accountablitly, wisdom and encouragment. Lord may my life be a testmant of your faithfulness and may your glory shine through to reach others, especially my family. I learned this song this past week, and the words have really spoken to me. I think they best sum up my hearts desire. Ready Now By: Desperation Band You come like you promised you would I want to surrender for good I know that i need you And i dont want to keep living life alone So take my heart and make it new make it true And make it like you Take my hands I lift them high They're yours not mine to do Do what you will Do what you will Do what you will I am ready now I am ready now I am ready now I feel like a blind man in you sight I know that im wicked in your eyes So wash me and make me shine like the sun I want to tell everyone that youre the only one