Lead me to the Cross...try #2

I love blogging because I can share whatever I want, well almost everything I want. I know I am still very guarded, but I love the fact that I have the opportunity to share what is on my heart without it destroying a conversation or that I can tell the world what an amazing God I serve. This song could have not come at a better time in my life. PLEASE pray that God would continue to work in my heart, He has already given me so much peace with the situations that have happened with my family, especially my step-dad. But things are starting to add up and my heart is having a harder time trusting in Him and not believing the lies, and thoughts that I am hearing from my family. I pray that the words are as encouraging to you as it has been to me. Let me know what you think. The two youth pastors from the church I use to go to in Georgia moved to Atlanta one of them to become the worship pastor and the other the youth pastor there, and they did a summer camp like the ones I always talk about. Anyways this is a video that they used this summer. I was at the camp that is in the video. I miss it, and all the memories that were made their (like building the tallest tower with toothpicks and straws, or getting in a water/mud war or hanging out with some amazing girls or just watching how God poured out His spirit in amazing ways-though I don't miss the drama that I brought with me, partly because I was still living with my family at that time) BUT how amazing is it, that I am still alive and still here and HE STILL LOVES ME-You love me Lord! Thank-you God! You are so good. Please let me continue to believe that. Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tpVd128vH0

Family.......

Well I have one day to go until my family arrives. They get here tomorrow morning around 6. I have to say that for the first time, I am not excited about them coming. I am not ready to face my mom, or especially my step-dad and I am NOT looking forward to having to say goodbye to my brother on Thursday morning, knowing all that he is struggling with. It's easier just not to see him. I know it's pathetic, but sometimes it makes things easier. Anyways, I have a few prayer requests. The first one would be for that initial seeing each other again, and the awkwardness of giving my step-dad a hug. I rather do something else (and yes I am working on my anger :) The second would be the things planned for the weekend, and the few days they are here next week. Between my schedule of babysitting and computer classes, and trying to fit into their schedule things are going to be a little messy. Please pray that God will show me what I need to do, and what is ok to let go of. We will also be seeing family that I have not seen in years and I just don't know if I am ready for that. I think the biggest one is them coming to church. I honestly at this moment don't think they will come, because they have said they would come before and then not showed up. But I really think they are, and it's only Friday and my heart is already pumping and my stomach is a mess. I am SCARED! I have not told them what church is like (or for the fact that it is 2 hours) and if I ever had fear of man concerns before they are FOR SURE here right now. I already feel partly embrassed (for who knows what is even going to happen. How I love to be in control and to know exactly what is going to happen and how they are going to react :) I wish I could control all of it, but I can't. Please pray for peace for my heart, and that Sunday morning that seriously God would be bigger than my family. I am afraid my concerns are going to get in the way of my chance to worship God. I know this is all crazy, but it has been what I have been thinking about and struggling with for a quite a long time. So a couple of weeks ago I read Psalm 27, hoping it would encourage some of the people at worship practice, but now I think it is encouraging me. vs. 1-3, 10-14..."The Lord is my light, and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will recieve me. Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witness rise up against me, breathing out violence. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. WAIT for the Lord; be STRONG and take heart and WAIT for the Lord." Thank-you for your prayers, and continued support. I look forward with much hope and faith to be able to share all that God does not only in my family, but in my own heart. Love you all!

Bowling with the homegroup

Well I forgot my camera so I have no pictures to show you :( BUT I do have good news. We broke into boys verse girls. It was Jason R., Jason V. and Stephen (Sharon's son) and then Mel, me and Sharon. So we bet them in the first game 266 to 227 but we KILLED them in the second. 309 to 216. Mel and I tied our score 112 while both of the Jason's got 78. It was quite a funny night, and it was even funnier when Cade would let out this loud pitch scream when Mel or Jason would bowl. I think he was just a tad bit excited :) We ended the night with frosty's at Wendy's. It was a great time.

Blessed be your name

I have heard this song so many times, and until just recently have I really had a true understanding of what it was saying. The part that affects me the most is "you give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME!" Oh how easily I become angry when He takes something away, and I choose not to remember that He is the SOVEREIGN and the one I am to be glorifying and blessing. Lord I CHOOSE to say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME! Blessed be your name In the land that is plentiful Where the streams of abundance flow Blessed be your name Blessed be your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be your name Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say... Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your glorious name Blessed be your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's all as it should be Blessed be your name Blessed be your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be your name Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say... Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your nameBlessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your glorious name You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, Blessed be your name

You alone

This is long. Don't say I did not warn you :) Though this song that I have shared below is probably not biblical correct, and some people might disagree with it. The words have been so meaningful to me lately. When no one is around, and all else seems lost I can TRUST and remember that He has me safe in His arms, and He is God. It is NOT easy, I can agree with you on that. BUT it is continually preaching the Gospel to myself day by day and minute by minute. Read Psalm 27 and the words to this song if you find yourself in this same place that I am in, and you will be encouraged. God has been so faithful, and loving over the past month. I am amazed and in awe of who He is and all that He has done in my life. To think of where I came from until now, not just with what happened growing up and slowly healing from a past full of hurt and pain. BUT I am also in awe of how these past 2 and a half years at Metro have changed me so much. Even though there are days I regret, and covet some of the relationships that the girls have here, or the knowledge they have. In a way I am beginning to be thankful for the fact that I went to all those different churches because it has made me who I am (that is a lot more difficult to say than I thought) While being here I have had to think hard, had to cry out to God, to fall down flat on my face, ask for forgiveness a gazillion times, running away quite a few times and whined my heart out, but all in all He has continually picked me up and put me on both feet right in the heart of the church....His people. For those of you at Metro, and those that go to other Sovereign Grace Churches. Thank-you for your continued faithfulness of prayer, support and love in my life. Writing this tonight was not easy at all. I have struggled the past couple of days (because of somethings that have come up) of not wanting to pursue or open up. Please pray that God would soften my heart, and help me to break down the walls. The excuses, the lies that I allow myself to hear are keeping me away from even more that God desires for me. Pray for FREEDOM and that I will be on FIRE for Him. I really want back my childlike faith. Thank-you. Here are words....You Alone by:Echoing Angels I'm desperately wanting To just find a way I'm searching and seeking For someone to say That it's all right And it’s okay Like I know you can You alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name if I don't I close my eyes And drift away To a place I remember To a place I feel safe Where it’s all right, and it’s okay Cause I’m there in your arms You alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name Yes I know the heavens will call out your name You forgive me You accept me Just as I am And you love me And you want me To understand I’m yours, you are mine And I will worship you Worship you alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name If I don’t You alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name Yes I know the heavens will call out your name And with all the heavens I worship you alone You alone are God

I'm home....

Well despite the many police cars (one that even turned around and followed me for a while...I was only going 5 over...scary), the few stops (I got some yummy Georgia peaches and I got a little pecan pie for Taraleigh :) a very short visit with an old friend, many, MANY cars on the road and a HORRIBLE storm (which I had to go over that little bridge in Apopka with pouring down, could not see the car in front of you kind of rain....needless to say I don't think my heart was pumping....I was terrified) I have officially made it home. Only to come home to a ton of bills, a garage door that will not open, a few dead bugs but I am home. Praise God. Thank-you for all your prayers. Till next time....

Day #5 and Day #6

Well it is Saturday morning, and I am packed up and ready to go. I think my dad and I are going to grab something to eat then off I go, with all the rain :( I am going to stop in Valdosta to see my friend Sara-beth, and then maybe see Jenn R. (I don't know how to spell you last name....sorry) in Gansivelle. Then hopefully have enough time to unpack, straighten up, grab some dinner then head to Deluge. My dad says the only thing that takes me back to Orlando is that crazy church of mine. He says I go 7 days a week and he doesn't understand why. I am thankful for Danny's message last weekend, because it reminded me that if they don't believe they will never understand why we do what we do. What a timely reminder. Isn't He good? So I bet you are all wondering how dinner went. Just a word to the wise, never eat dinner with a democratic, a republican, a brother who doesn't care and me. Politics, christanity and alcohol do NOT mix :( Well dinner was AMAZING and I enjoyed every last bit of it (and I mean every last bite), but never want to re-live the conversation at the dinner table, the car ride home, and again at Arun's house EVER again or to deal with my dad when he is like that. Needless to say it was a hard night, but what was amazing is even though it was hard there was a peace that overcame me even in those very tense and diffcult situations. Anyways, despite some of the craziness it was a good day. I am kind of sad that it is all over, because that means that it is getting closer to when my mom, step-dad and brother get here and that I also have to find a job.....YIKES! Please pray for me today that my time in the car would be glorifying to God, that I will have a safe trip and please continue to pray for my dad's heart. How I long for him to be apart of the Kingdom, of having something to hope for everyday. Thank-you for being apart of this journey with me. What a blessing to share it with you all, and for the encouragment and prayers that you lavished on me. See you tomorrow! Love to you all.....

Day #4 (a little late :)

Please forgive my spelling :) I gave up trying to figure out what was right. Well I just spent the day catching up on a bunch of things. I returned a few things to stores (and got money back-I was quite exicted). The nice thing here, is everything is right by each other. Target, Wal-mart, Sams, Old Navy, the Mall so you don't have to drive to creation to return something. I got almost all of my throw away cameras developed. I have some adorable pictures from Haiti, but the best is when I got the ones back from my preschool classroom 3 years ago. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? These kids are now entering 1st grade. Anyways, I went to Lifeway today and used my many gift certficates. I was able to get the movie "The Natvity," "Doing things right in the matter of the heart," "Femine Appeal," and "Lies woman believe." The best part yet was I still had $15.00 left over. I have eaten lunch EVERYday at my favorite place, Jeannes. Southern, homestyle cooked food. YUMMY! I watched another movie last night called "Evelyn." Just as it was getting to the good part, the dvd started acting up. I tried all I knew to do to fix it, but had not luck :( So, I learned something pretty amazing last night. I was thankful for the Lord opening my heart to understand what I read. It was out of the "Depression" book. This little paragraph was titled "Don't think that your case is unique," it says "This popular lie questions God's care: all suffers are tempted to believe that their suffering is unique. This lie immediately renders all counsel irrelevant because no one understands and no advice applies. The result is that the aloneness you already experience is now an established fact, and you are given ever more permission to despair." WOW! Can I just tell you that I felt like I had been knocked over the head with a 2 by 4. That is only a piece of what I read. It is amazing how you put a book down for aLONG time, but when you pick it back up it's exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear. He is amazing! I guess I can't use that for an excuse anymore huh? :) Well I am off to celebrate lunch with my dad at Jeannes. Dawn (one of the ladies that runs the restraunt) and I are surprising him with his favorite cake from there....Carmel. Then I have a few more errands to run, and then it is time to get ready to go to hot ATLANTA. My brother, dad, Arun (my dad's best friend) and I are all going to Bones. Jenn is your mouth watering yet? :) Please do pray for the conversation tonight. I haven't been around my brother for long period of time this week, and he likes to push the limit with my dad and especially me. I know that conversation will also come up about Christiantiy (UGH) please pray that God would give me the words to speak, strength and grace towards them in difficult times. Have a wonderful day! Look forward to sharing more! Love you all!

Day #3

Not much happened today, because I was/still am in a lot of pain and most of the day sitting in a chair. What's up with me lately and being sick? I feel like my body has been run over by a "mac truck" I was up all night with stomach pains. I accidentally woke up my dad because I was fumbling through the kitchen trying to find some medience. Anyways, I watched a movie this morning about a morman missionary boy on his 2 year service (though I did not know that that's what it was about) and the crazy thing was it was a Disney movie. It was a wierd. I had lots of time to think about what has been said to me, what I have read and the things that have been said to challenge me. I have been caught in many conversations this week about what I believe, what's the christian girl (that would be, and that's what my dad calls me)l going to do, what do you think about muslims, Jesus is coming back in 13 years. I have heard all about spiritual gifts, that there is something wrong with my church since it is 2 hours long (thanks to my dad telling others) the list could go on. Though there are times that I feel discouraged, frustrated and beaten down, I am reminded and challenged from precious friends of it is not me their rejecting, it's Christ. It's not me they are making fun of, it's Christ. How my heart wants to learn more so that I could stand in confidence to share my heart, my passion, my desire. Instead of feeling defeated and hurt when I am made fun of or I don't understand something. I am exicted that this is becoming my desire because for quite a while I had not had the desire to want to learn more. It became the thing to do, instead of desiring to do it. But I am reading the Bible and teaching books, listening to sermons and working on asking people for help :o) God has been so faithful to continue to draw me out, and challenge me over the past 2 years whet ever that be through His word, the Holy Spirit or through you all. I am awe of His goodness that He has put YOU in my life. Thank-you for loving me in all my imperfections, my craziness and loving me for me. You are a blessing! Love to you all! Till next time.....Goodnight :o)

Day # 2

Well I got NO sleep last night (not that, that is surprise) so I was pretty tired today. I got to eat lunch at my FAVORITE place. Southern home cooked food-stewed squash, black eyed peas, butter beans...yummy! Then I spent the next 5 hours working in my dads office filing, cleaning and all the odds/ends that he does not want to do :) But the best part was yet to come. We went over to one of his friends house. We had another good meal of southern home cooked food and these cute little kids with their southern accents (I think I might have to move here...j/k :) Anyways the wife is a believer (she is pentecostal) and her husband is not. But boy did the talk at dinner errupt tonight. I learned a lot about my dad/brother. I realized how blessed I am for the teaching I recieve at Metro. I don't know how I feel about evanglism anymore, I think I am more against than I was before. After what she said to my dad (and to me) it's no wonder my dad does not go to church or disputes everything I say. He's got me, my brother and his friends wife all saying different things. I have never heard anyone say that "I am annoited." It was a crazy night, very diffcult and sad to be honest because in someways I use to be just like her. I do not mean this self-rightousesly at all, but I did have to keep that in major check tonight because it was so easy for me to jump there. I am glad to be home away from all that. When I got home I watched Breached (Don't see it, it was BORING!) Please pray for my dad, that his heart would be soften. It feels/sounds like it has harden up even more over the past few months. I would also ask you to pray for my health. I can't seem to fight this cold that I got almost 2 weeks ago. I still have a cough, having trouble breathing, head cold and my ears hurt really bad. Till tomorrow....Goodnight :)

Georgia trip day #1

I decided that since I don't have a job as of right now, and there was nothing holding me down in Orlando that I should surprise my dad for his birthday (which happens to fall on Friday, 13th....YIKES) So I drove up this morning. It was a good trip it took me a little over 5 hours. There was no traffic, very few police cars and I drove 75 the whole way. Except for the time I had to put the petal to the metal in order to get around those crazy people who think it is ok to go 45 in the fast lane. UGH! I listened to Jesse's message on worldliness, and I have to say that it was awesome. I worshiped my heart out (people probably thought I looked strange :) I prayed, and prayed some more. When I called my dad to tell him I was here, he did not believe me or take it very well for the first few times that I told him. He told me that if I was really here I should go to his office and call from that phone, but low and behold the door was locked. So I called him back, and told him. Then I think he started believing me a little more. He showed up just shaking his head. I can't figure him out :) Anyways, after I got settled in I went grocery shopping (it was the nicest publix I have ever been too :) Then I came back and straightened up the house (YES, you can tell that only a guy lives here) I did laundry, made beds, read, slept for 30 minutes and just sat (which we all know is very hard for me to sit still and relax) Then we went to dinner, I rented a few movies (because he only gets one channel) I watched "Loves abiding joy." It was amazing and I bet as Jenn is reading this she is rolling her eyes, and stating what dumb movie it is :P Though I enjoyed very last minute of it. This week I plan on reading, reading, reading. Working on somethings that I brought. I am going to help my dad with a little bit of his work. Then I am going to savor every last bit of steak that I get at Bones in Atlanta on Friday. I can't wait. I look forward to sharing more of what this week beholds. Not just of all the crazy, boring, maybe fun things I do but all that God is teaching and doing in my heart and those around me. Pray that I will be bold in how I proclaim the Gospel. As Danny said on Sunday, they might not understand or agree with what we do or say but do it ANYWAYS and proclaim the glory of God. (don't quote me on that, it's just what I got out of it :) Well off to bed I go. Love to you all.