Psalm 23 By: Jason Upton Your hands Reached into the depths of darkness Your arms Pulled me to the light above Your voice Spoke the word that broke my heart Your eyes Burn with holy passion, fire, and love You lead Me beside the quiet waters You walk In the shadows of death's darkened door You make Tables right before my enemies You take oil and then you pour it over me The Lord is my Shepherd I will fear no evil You are my Shepherd I will fear no evil Surely goodness and mercy cover me All the days of my life they cover me Surely I'm going to dwell in the house of the Lord Forever and ever and ever more

And the survey says.....

I need something fun to do, to get my mind off of all the craziness so I came up with my own little survey pf very random questions! ENJOY :) What time is it? 5:30 pm What did you have for dinner? I think I am going to un-thaw the spaghetti that Jenn put in the freezer this morning since there are really no other options :) What did you do today? Went to church, then meet up with my extended family for lunch, then came back to the house I am housesitting for an read a book and RELAXED! What is your favorite color? I don't know what it is called but it's not baby blue and it's not teal, just in between there. Not let your imagnation decide what it looks like. Do you want to have children, if so how many? Well I least want to have 2-4, then adopt 2-4 depending how many I have in the first place. I am all about even numbers of children. Then I want to foster as many children as possible. Yet this is my heart wants. It really all depends on what God says and if I ever get married what my husband would say :) What are some names for your children? Millie, Jacob, Emmaline Joy What is your favorite verse? Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we HOPE for but certain of what we do not see." What are you currently reading? I am picking through Depression, and Uprooting Anger What are you currently listening too? Hear our Prayer by: Hillsong What is your dream car? An SUV, doesn't really matter what kind but I want a sunroof, leather interior and seats that can either go hot or cold What is one of your biggest fears? That my family will not be saved If your house was burning down, your family was out and you wanted to save something what would it be? my pictures Where is one place in the world that you would like to visit? I guess Ireland or somewhere over in Europe. I saw pictures from there and it looks breathtaking Mountains or the beach? The Mountains Hot or cold? COLD....my hair would never be messed up and I wouldn't sweat then I could give lots of people hugs What is your favorite restraunt in Orlando? Seasons 52 What is your favorite food? My mouth is watering for a good steak What is something that people might not know about you? That I am crazy....J/K how about that I have a freckle in my eye What is your dream job? To do stuff like I did with Student Goverment plan and adminstrate events of any type. Sometimes I wish I could go back to high school just for that

Be prepared and don't say I did not warn you....it's long & very detailed :)

It's been a long time. I have nothing exciting to share. I am still without a job, still dealing with mucho anger, bitterness in my heart about certain things and still feel completely and utterly lost in all that God is doing. Though He has been faithful to reveal that He is still here, even though I have continually tried to runaway. So in the past week there have been multitudes of things that the Lord has made it obvious of His presence in my life. Here are just a few of the things. Reading scripture at the mic at church last weekend, having a scripture last night at Deluge that the girl right in front of me read the same thing, gave me boldness to go share a piece of my testimony from Haiti and then He POURED out His spirit. As some of my friends were praying for me, my dear sweet friend Julie came to read me Hebrews 12, and I fell to my knees (actually my legs pretty much gave out underneath me) because it was the exact same verses that I had been meditating on the past couple of days. I fought whatever happened last night, and now I wonder if it will ever happen again because I tried so hard to run away from it. Not saying that the Lord didn't move because He did. But I wonder what else could have happened if I had ONLY opened up my little hands and said "here Lord." I want freedom, but I have such a hard time surrendering my complete life to Him. Because I want to know what is going to happen, I want control and I want to know that everything is going to work out. So I guess it's not just surrender it's TRUST too. I am at the place now where it's not what do I believe, it is do I choose to be obedient in what He has called me to do? Which I honestly believe that I am getting closer and closer but for some reason there is still something holding me back. What happens if I do let go? I would appreciate your prayers in this journey and pray that all my craziness (especially lately) does not pull you further away from me. Thank-you for loving me, and for all the wisdom and joy that you pour into my life. Love you all! Here is a song that spoke tremendously to me this morning at church. Enjoy! How do I thank You, O Lord For taking my place on the cross And how do I thank you, O Lord For all of Your mercy and kindness For calling me to You For letting me hear You For opening my heart to the gospel As long as I have breath I will praise You As long as my heart beats I will sing As long as life flows in my veins I will bless Your name How do I thank you, O Lord For all of the love in Your eyes And how do I thank you, O Lord For how You have changed me forever For giving me power, hope and a future With favor and gladness and every good thing

Lead me to the Cross...try #2

I love blogging because I can share whatever I want, well almost everything I want. I know I am still very guarded, but I love the fact that I have the opportunity to share what is on my heart without it destroying a conversation or that I can tell the world what an amazing God I serve. This song could have not come at a better time in my life. PLEASE pray that God would continue to work in my heart, He has already given me so much peace with the situations that have happened with my family, especially my step-dad. But things are starting to add up and my heart is having a harder time trusting in Him and not believing the lies, and thoughts that I am hearing from my family. I pray that the words are as encouraging to you as it has been to me. Let me know what you think. The two youth pastors from the church I use to go to in Georgia moved to Atlanta one of them to become the worship pastor and the other the youth pastor there, and they did a summer camp like the ones I always talk about. Anyways this is a video that they used this summer. I was at the camp that is in the video. I miss it, and all the memories that were made their (like building the tallest tower with toothpicks and straws, or getting in a water/mud war or hanging out with some amazing girls or just watching how God poured out His spirit in amazing ways-though I don't miss the drama that I brought with me, partly because I was still living with my family at that time) BUT how amazing is it, that I am still alive and still here and HE STILL LOVES ME-You love me Lord! Thank-you God! You are so good. Please let me continue to believe that. Here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tpVd128vH0

Family.......

Well I have one day to go until my family arrives. They get here tomorrow morning around 6. I have to say that for the first time, I am not excited about them coming. I am not ready to face my mom, or especially my step-dad and I am NOT looking forward to having to say goodbye to my brother on Thursday morning, knowing all that he is struggling with. It's easier just not to see him. I know it's pathetic, but sometimes it makes things easier. Anyways, I have a few prayer requests. The first one would be for that initial seeing each other again, and the awkwardness of giving my step-dad a hug. I rather do something else (and yes I am working on my anger :) The second would be the things planned for the weekend, and the few days they are here next week. Between my schedule of babysitting and computer classes, and trying to fit into their schedule things are going to be a little messy. Please pray that God will show me what I need to do, and what is ok to let go of. We will also be seeing family that I have not seen in years and I just don't know if I am ready for that. I think the biggest one is them coming to church. I honestly at this moment don't think they will come, because they have said they would come before and then not showed up. But I really think they are, and it's only Friday and my heart is already pumping and my stomach is a mess. I am SCARED! I have not told them what church is like (or for the fact that it is 2 hours) and if I ever had fear of man concerns before they are FOR SURE here right now. I already feel partly embrassed (for who knows what is even going to happen. How I love to be in control and to know exactly what is going to happen and how they are going to react :) I wish I could control all of it, but I can't. Please pray for peace for my heart, and that Sunday morning that seriously God would be bigger than my family. I am afraid my concerns are going to get in the way of my chance to worship God. I know this is all crazy, but it has been what I have been thinking about and struggling with for a quite a long time. So a couple of weeks ago I read Psalm 27, hoping it would encourage some of the people at worship practice, but now I think it is encouraging me. vs. 1-3, 10-14..."The Lord is my light, and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will recieve me. Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witness rise up against me, breathing out violence. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. WAIT for the Lord; be STRONG and take heart and WAIT for the Lord." Thank-you for your prayers, and continued support. I look forward with much hope and faith to be able to share all that God does not only in my family, but in my own heart. Love you all!

Bowling with the homegroup

Well I forgot my camera so I have no pictures to show you :( BUT I do have good news. We broke into boys verse girls. It was Jason R., Jason V. and Stephen (Sharon's son) and then Mel, me and Sharon. So we bet them in the first game 266 to 227 but we KILLED them in the second. 309 to 216. Mel and I tied our score 112 while both of the Jason's got 78. It was quite a funny night, and it was even funnier when Cade would let out this loud pitch scream when Mel or Jason would bowl. I think he was just a tad bit excited :) We ended the night with frosty's at Wendy's. It was a great time.

Blessed be your name

I have heard this song so many times, and until just recently have I really had a true understanding of what it was saying. The part that affects me the most is "you give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME!" Oh how easily I become angry when He takes something away, and I choose not to remember that He is the SOVEREIGN and the one I am to be glorifying and blessing. Lord I CHOOSE to say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME! Blessed be your name In the land that is plentiful Where the streams of abundance flow Blessed be your name Blessed be your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed be your name Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say... Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your glorious name Blessed be your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's all as it should be Blessed be your name Blessed be your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be your name Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say... Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your nameBlessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your glorious name You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, Blessed be your name