Part 2 of Disciple NOW 2007

I went to Disciple Now this past weekend thinking that this would be the answer to all of the craziness in my life. Yeah right! God spoke to me on a few things, nothing though that I was ready for. I wanted answers on job, friendships, living situations, things going on at church, what to do with my future. I wanted answers and I really wanted to go away from this weekend knowing what I was going to do. Yet I walked away from the weekend not with answers to those questions, but to open those tightly closed hands of mine and allow Him to be in control. To SURRENDER my life to Him, and to walk in FAITH and TRUST in this season that He has me in. Yep, not what I was expecting to hear from Him nor what I wanted to hear. Please pray that my heart will continued to be soften. That I will respond in obedience in opening my hands, surrendering control and having faith/trust as I walk through this season in my life. That's all for now, look forward to telling you more later :o)

Disciple NOW 2007

I had the privilege and opportunity to go down to Sarasota this weekend to serve at Disciple Now. It was around 600 middle and high school students, 200 volunteers from 16 different churches in that area. It's rare these days that you can get different denominations together to worship our one God! I got the privilege to meet Kristian Stanfill and his band Tim, Matt, & Joe. (side note: the crazy thing was that one of the guys in the band, his wife went to high school with me and had my mom as a teacher. Pretty crazy huh? Well I guess not for me, though I did go down there to NOT see anyone I knew :) They were funny guys, full of lots of energy & laughter. I don't think there was ever a dull moment in the break room. I remember one time I was getting ready to walk out the door, and a piece of candy hit the wall right where I was standing. I turned around and 2 of the guys were pointing at each other trying to blame the other. Anyways, I just gave them a weird look, smiled and walked out the door. BUT when I turned back around there was Kristian throwing a bowl of candy onto Tim and they both were smiling at me. They were awesome! The speaker Stuart Hall was absolutely amazing. One of the best speakers I have heard outside of Sovereign Grace. Full of funny sounds, stories and jokes but then knew how to get right to the point and draw the students in. He actually used the word sanctification in His message. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair. I will share more of what the Lord taught me through the music and message in another post. (There was also a guy named Joe, if you want the funny stories about him you will just have to ask me :o) It was so wonderful to be at another camp, another church and to come up with ideas for future events. For example, I liked to see how we would do this one ( I think someone had some inside connections to abc) but the planning team asked all the youth pastors to send in a story of one child in their youth group that has been through a lot but continued to have faith. So they picked 3 top stories and surprised the girls with a helicopter ride around Sarasota area. Pretty amazing huh? There were a lot of things that happened this weekend that I thought either they have lots of money or someone has major connections. Needless to say, I am exhausted but I would have not traded this weekend for anything. You probably would have not know, but even though I was excited about going there was a lot of me that was scared to go for different reasons, but I wasn't about ready to tell anyone that. I had a BLAST, but most of all just thankful for the few things that the Lord taught me and most of all how there were multitude of opportunities to work on different areas and sins in my life. For example: TRUST, wanting to be in Control, my pride, jealousy, etc. Like the speaker this morning said we must continue to work for those. Put off, put on. We can't just turn on the light switch and expect everything to back to normal. Which is what I think way to often. Well that is all for today. I am off to bed. Goodnight :o)

From the inside out

Here is one of the many songs I learned this weekend. I cannot wait to share them with you. What spoke to me was the part that said "My heart and my soul. Lord I give You control. Consume me from the inside out. Lord, let justice and praise, become my embrace. To love you from the inside out." Lord, help me to open my hands, to give you control and surrender my life to you. Whatever you doing, Lord may I TRUST you with everything I have and to know that you have me right where I need to be. May I wait with patience, FAITH, hope and desire to give you all the glory. From the inside out By: Hillsong United "A thousand times I've failed Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again I'm caught in Your grace Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame Your will above all else My purpose remains The art of losing myself In bringing You praise Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame My heart and my soul Lord I give You control Consume me from the inside out Lord let justice and praise Become my embrace To love you from the inside out Everlasting Your light will shine when all else fades Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame And the cry of my heart Is to bring You praise From the inside out Lord my soul cries out."

Your Grace

I thought I would share a song that I have always loved, but God used this song in a mighty way on Easter day. There is not enough time tonight, but I look forward to sharing with you the power of His Spirit and how He spoke to me during the service yesterday. Thank-you God for your faithfulness in my life and continue to draw me out even when I run away. Please continue to pray that I will open my heart to the grace He has for me ("There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.") and to continue to preach this verse to myself. How quickly grace can disappear and my thoughts turn to condemnation. Pray that I will run to the foot of the Cross instead of running away. Thank-you! Love you all! "Your grace," by: Andy Park "Your grace opens the way That I might draw near to You With my heart full of faith Your grace is undeserved Though there are times I fail, Still You are with me Your amazing grace is perfectly free Day by day Your grace empowering me To please you in all things To walk in your ways Completely forgiven And it’s all by Your grace Your Grace lightens my load You give me the strength I need To keep walking this road Your grace is all that I need Though I am weak, Your grace is mighty within me I want to walk in a manner that’s worthy Of the calling You’ve given to me I want to walk in a manner that’s worthy of the gospel."

Condemnation or Conviction?

It took a LOT of humbling myself and breaking of my pride to make it to church this morning. I remember at one point saying to God, am I even suppose to go. For those of you who don't know, my car broke down last night and so I had to get a ride to church. I had 2 dear friends offer to bring me (BUT I knew that they were busy, and I felt awful asking them...though I did have to finally in the end ask one of them to pick me up) Even though I hate to admit it YES it is SOOO HARD for me to ask for help (that was for you Jenn :) Anyways I was NOT prepared or ready for what we were taught about this morning. What really impacted me was when Benny (one of our pastor's) said what is bigger in your life condemnation or conviction, legalisim or having a pure conscience. I remember at one point in the sermon feeling like someone had knocked the wind out of me. Condmenation is just what I struggle with on a daily basis and leagalism has more of a hold on me than I thought. It seems lately that God is lifting this veil from my eyes and allowing the Cross to be bigger and to see sin as sin (even though I still try to make excuses), and to deal with these patterns of indwelling sin. But it's all so overwhelming, scary, sad and most of the time I feel myself pulling away. Father my heart's cry is that I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, continue to open my arms out to You and to kneel at Your throne of grace. Lord may I continue to know and BELIEVE that I am forgiven. I have no need to walk in condemnation, but to walk in the freedom that your Son brought for me on the Cross. Break the patterns of indwelling sin (pride, anger, self-suffenceiny, jealousy). Show me where legalism is in my heart. Help me to have a humble heart and to seek out accountablitly, wisdom and encouragment. Lord may my life be a testmant of your faithfulness and may your glory shine through to reach others, especially my family. I learned this song this past week, and the words have really spoken to me. I think they best sum up my hearts desire. Ready Now By: Desperation Band You come like you promised you would I want to surrender for good I know that i need you And i dont want to keep living life alone So take my heart and make it new make it true And make it like you Take my hands I lift them high They're yours not mine to do Do what you will Do what you will Do what you will I am ready now I am ready now I am ready now I feel like a blind man in you sight I know that im wicked in your eyes So wash me and make me shine like the sun I want to tell everyone that youre the only one

Haiti update

How amazing is our God. Not only did I recieve my first check today for fundrasing (and it was a wonderful way to start it off) I also recieved my passport that I was not suppose to recieve for at least a couple more weeks. I paid a little bit more money so I would not have to wait the 10 weeks, but the lady was certain it would at least be 4 to 5. Simply amazing! I cannot wait to see all that God does to bring this together and what a testmant of His faithfulness this will be to my family and my friends.

Faith

“We cannot make ourselves Holy. But when we surrender ourselves to the Lord, learning day by day to treat all that comes to us with peace of soul and firm conviction that His will governs all, He will see to our growth in Grace. He will so govern the events of our lives, down to the smallest detail, as to provide for us the conditions which will make us fruitful…Faith need never ask, “But what good did this do to me?” Faith already knows that everything fits into a pattern for good to those who love God. An inconvenience is always a blessed inconvenience. We may rest in the promise that God is fitting together a good many more things than are any of our business. We need never see, “what good it did,” or how a given trouble accomplishes anything. It is peace to leave it all with Him, asking only that He do with me anything He wants, anywhere, anytime, that God may be glorified.” Elisabeth Elliot