You alone

This is long. Don't say I did not warn you :) Though this song that I have shared below is probably not biblical correct, and some people might disagree with it. The words have been so meaningful to me lately. When no one is around, and all else seems lost I can TRUST and remember that He has me safe in His arms, and He is God. It is NOT easy, I can agree with you on that. BUT it is continually preaching the Gospel to myself day by day and minute by minute. Read Psalm 27 and the words to this song if you find yourself in this same place that I am in, and you will be encouraged. God has been so faithful, and loving over the past month. I am amazed and in awe of who He is and all that He has done in my life. To think of where I came from until now, not just with what happened growing up and slowly healing from a past full of hurt and pain. BUT I am also in awe of how these past 2 and a half years at Metro have changed me so much. Even though there are days I regret, and covet some of the relationships that the girls have here, or the knowledge they have. In a way I am beginning to be thankful for the fact that I went to all those different churches because it has made me who I am (that is a lot more difficult to say than I thought) While being here I have had to think hard, had to cry out to God, to fall down flat on my face, ask for forgiveness a gazillion times, running away quite a few times and whined my heart out, but all in all He has continually picked me up and put me on both feet right in the heart of the church....His people. For those of you at Metro, and those that go to other Sovereign Grace Churches. Thank-you for your continued faithfulness of prayer, support and love in my life. Writing this tonight was not easy at all. I have struggled the past couple of days (because of somethings that have come up) of not wanting to pursue or open up. Please pray that God would soften my heart, and help me to break down the walls. The excuses, the lies that I allow myself to hear are keeping me away from even more that God desires for me. Pray for FREEDOM and that I will be on FIRE for Him. I really want back my childlike faith. Thank-you. Here are words....You Alone by:Echoing Angels I'm desperately wanting To just find a way I'm searching and seeking For someone to say That it's all right And it’s okay Like I know you can You alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name if I don't I close my eyes And drift away To a place I remember To a place I feel safe Where it’s all right, and it’s okay Cause I’m there in your arms You alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name Yes I know the heavens will call out your name You forgive me You accept me Just as I am And you love me And you want me To understand I’m yours, you are mine And I will worship you Worship you alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name If I don’t You alone are God I am yours and you're mine And I know the heavens will call out your name Yes I know the heavens will call out your name And with all the heavens I worship you alone You alone are God

I'm home....

Well despite the many police cars (one that even turned around and followed me for a while...I was only going 5 over...scary), the few stops (I got some yummy Georgia peaches and I got a little pecan pie for Taraleigh :) a very short visit with an old friend, many, MANY cars on the road and a HORRIBLE storm (which I had to go over that little bridge in Apopka with pouring down, could not see the car in front of you kind of rain....needless to say I don't think my heart was pumping....I was terrified) I have officially made it home. Only to come home to a ton of bills, a garage door that will not open, a few dead bugs but I am home. Praise God. Thank-you for all your prayers. Till next time....

Day #5 and Day #6

Well it is Saturday morning, and I am packed up and ready to go. I think my dad and I are going to grab something to eat then off I go, with all the rain :( I am going to stop in Valdosta to see my friend Sara-beth, and then maybe see Jenn R. (I don't know how to spell you last name....sorry) in Gansivelle. Then hopefully have enough time to unpack, straighten up, grab some dinner then head to Deluge. My dad says the only thing that takes me back to Orlando is that crazy church of mine. He says I go 7 days a week and he doesn't understand why. I am thankful for Danny's message last weekend, because it reminded me that if they don't believe they will never understand why we do what we do. What a timely reminder. Isn't He good? So I bet you are all wondering how dinner went. Just a word to the wise, never eat dinner with a democratic, a republican, a brother who doesn't care and me. Politics, christanity and alcohol do NOT mix :( Well dinner was AMAZING and I enjoyed every last bit of it (and I mean every last bite), but never want to re-live the conversation at the dinner table, the car ride home, and again at Arun's house EVER again or to deal with my dad when he is like that. Needless to say it was a hard night, but what was amazing is even though it was hard there was a peace that overcame me even in those very tense and diffcult situations. Anyways, despite some of the craziness it was a good day. I am kind of sad that it is all over, because that means that it is getting closer to when my mom, step-dad and brother get here and that I also have to find a job.....YIKES! Please pray for me today that my time in the car would be glorifying to God, that I will have a safe trip and please continue to pray for my dad's heart. How I long for him to be apart of the Kingdom, of having something to hope for everyday. Thank-you for being apart of this journey with me. What a blessing to share it with you all, and for the encouragment and prayers that you lavished on me. See you tomorrow! Love to you all.....

Day #4 (a little late :)

Please forgive my spelling :) I gave up trying to figure out what was right. Well I just spent the day catching up on a bunch of things. I returned a few things to stores (and got money back-I was quite exicted). The nice thing here, is everything is right by each other. Target, Wal-mart, Sams, Old Navy, the Mall so you don't have to drive to creation to return something. I got almost all of my throw away cameras developed. I have some adorable pictures from Haiti, but the best is when I got the ones back from my preschool classroom 3 years ago. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? These kids are now entering 1st grade. Anyways, I went to Lifeway today and used my many gift certficates. I was able to get the movie "The Natvity," "Doing things right in the matter of the heart," "Femine Appeal," and "Lies woman believe." The best part yet was I still had $15.00 left over. I have eaten lunch EVERYday at my favorite place, Jeannes. Southern, homestyle cooked food. YUMMY! I watched another movie last night called "Evelyn." Just as it was getting to the good part, the dvd started acting up. I tried all I knew to do to fix it, but had not luck :( So, I learned something pretty amazing last night. I was thankful for the Lord opening my heart to understand what I read. It was out of the "Depression" book. This little paragraph was titled "Don't think that your case is unique," it says "This popular lie questions God's care: all suffers are tempted to believe that their suffering is unique. This lie immediately renders all counsel irrelevant because no one understands and no advice applies. The result is that the aloneness you already experience is now an established fact, and you are given ever more permission to despair." WOW! Can I just tell you that I felt like I had been knocked over the head with a 2 by 4. That is only a piece of what I read. It is amazing how you put a book down for aLONG time, but when you pick it back up it's exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear. He is amazing! I guess I can't use that for an excuse anymore huh? :) Well I am off to celebrate lunch with my dad at Jeannes. Dawn (one of the ladies that runs the restraunt) and I are surprising him with his favorite cake from there....Carmel. Then I have a few more errands to run, and then it is time to get ready to go to hot ATLANTA. My brother, dad, Arun (my dad's best friend) and I are all going to Bones. Jenn is your mouth watering yet? :) Please do pray for the conversation tonight. I haven't been around my brother for long period of time this week, and he likes to push the limit with my dad and especially me. I know that conversation will also come up about Christiantiy (UGH) please pray that God would give me the words to speak, strength and grace towards them in difficult times. Have a wonderful day! Look forward to sharing more! Love you all!

Day #3

Not much happened today, because I was/still am in a lot of pain and most of the day sitting in a chair. What's up with me lately and being sick? I feel like my body has been run over by a "mac truck" I was up all night with stomach pains. I accidentally woke up my dad because I was fumbling through the kitchen trying to find some medience. Anyways, I watched a movie this morning about a morman missionary boy on his 2 year service (though I did not know that that's what it was about) and the crazy thing was it was a Disney movie. It was a wierd. I had lots of time to think about what has been said to me, what I have read and the things that have been said to challenge me. I have been caught in many conversations this week about what I believe, what's the christian girl (that would be, and that's what my dad calls me)l going to do, what do you think about muslims, Jesus is coming back in 13 years. I have heard all about spiritual gifts, that there is something wrong with my church since it is 2 hours long (thanks to my dad telling others) the list could go on. Though there are times that I feel discouraged, frustrated and beaten down, I am reminded and challenged from precious friends of it is not me their rejecting, it's Christ. It's not me they are making fun of, it's Christ. How my heart wants to learn more so that I could stand in confidence to share my heart, my passion, my desire. Instead of feeling defeated and hurt when I am made fun of or I don't understand something. I am exicted that this is becoming my desire because for quite a while I had not had the desire to want to learn more. It became the thing to do, instead of desiring to do it. But I am reading the Bible and teaching books, listening to sermons and working on asking people for help :o) God has been so faithful to continue to draw me out, and challenge me over the past 2 years whet ever that be through His word, the Holy Spirit or through you all. I am awe of His goodness that He has put YOU in my life. Thank-you for loving me in all my imperfections, my craziness and loving me for me. You are a blessing! Love to you all! Till next time.....Goodnight :o)

Day # 2

Well I got NO sleep last night (not that, that is surprise) so I was pretty tired today. I got to eat lunch at my FAVORITE place. Southern home cooked food-stewed squash, black eyed peas, butter beans...yummy! Then I spent the next 5 hours working in my dads office filing, cleaning and all the odds/ends that he does not want to do :) But the best part was yet to come. We went over to one of his friends house. We had another good meal of southern home cooked food and these cute little kids with their southern accents (I think I might have to move here...j/k :) Anyways the wife is a believer (she is pentecostal) and her husband is not. But boy did the talk at dinner errupt tonight. I learned a lot about my dad/brother. I realized how blessed I am for the teaching I recieve at Metro. I don't know how I feel about evanglism anymore, I think I am more against than I was before. After what she said to my dad (and to me) it's no wonder my dad does not go to church or disputes everything I say. He's got me, my brother and his friends wife all saying different things. I have never heard anyone say that "I am annoited." It was a crazy night, very diffcult and sad to be honest because in someways I use to be just like her. I do not mean this self-rightousesly at all, but I did have to keep that in major check tonight because it was so easy for me to jump there. I am glad to be home away from all that. When I got home I watched Breached (Don't see it, it was BORING!) Please pray for my dad, that his heart would be soften. It feels/sounds like it has harden up even more over the past few months. I would also ask you to pray for my health. I can't seem to fight this cold that I got almost 2 weeks ago. I still have a cough, having trouble breathing, head cold and my ears hurt really bad. Till tomorrow....Goodnight :)

Georgia trip day #1

I decided that since I don't have a job as of right now, and there was nothing holding me down in Orlando that I should surprise my dad for his birthday (which happens to fall on Friday, 13th....YIKES) So I drove up this morning. It was a good trip it took me a little over 5 hours. There was no traffic, very few police cars and I drove 75 the whole way. Except for the time I had to put the petal to the metal in order to get around those crazy people who think it is ok to go 45 in the fast lane. UGH! I listened to Jesse's message on worldliness, and I have to say that it was awesome. I worshiped my heart out (people probably thought I looked strange :) I prayed, and prayed some more. When I called my dad to tell him I was here, he did not believe me or take it very well for the first few times that I told him. He told me that if I was really here I should go to his office and call from that phone, but low and behold the door was locked. So I called him back, and told him. Then I think he started believing me a little more. He showed up just shaking his head. I can't figure him out :) Anyways, after I got settled in I went grocery shopping (it was the nicest publix I have ever been too :) Then I came back and straightened up the house (YES, you can tell that only a guy lives here) I did laundry, made beds, read, slept for 30 minutes and just sat (which we all know is very hard for me to sit still and relax) Then we went to dinner, I rented a few movies (because he only gets one channel) I watched "Loves abiding joy." It was amazing and I bet as Jenn is reading this she is rolling her eyes, and stating what dumb movie it is :P Though I enjoyed very last minute of it. This week I plan on reading, reading, reading. Working on somethings that I brought. I am going to help my dad with a little bit of his work. Then I am going to savor every last bit of steak that I get at Bones in Atlanta on Friday. I can't wait. I look forward to sharing more of what this week beholds. Not just of all the crazy, boring, maybe fun things I do but all that God is teaching and doing in my heart and those around me. Pray that I will be bold in how I proclaim the Gospel. As Danny said on Sunday, they might not understand or agree with what we do or say but do it ANYWAYS and proclaim the glory of God. (don't quote me on that, it's just what I got out of it :) Well off to bed I go. Love to you all.