Press on

Tonight was simply beautiful. I had a few conversations with my dad today on a reoccuring topic that always seems to end up in an argument and me in tears, followed with reoccuring anger & saddnes. He wants me to do something that I am now seeing as HUGE sin (thank you God for your conviction) and struggle with what is yet to come when I stand up for what I believe in. I went to singles tonight, not knowing how it was going to go after my day, and it seems like I have been in a valley, trying to climb a mountain that only seems to be getting higher. But tonight God kindly, and simply whispered in my ears PRESS ON. As I was listening to the message Mike gave tonight (it was AMAZING) on Imitating Christ, and reading out of Philippians 3:3-17 I found myself really taking in each thing he was saying. Here is a glimpse of what God put on my heart. "Press on Kathy, even when you don't understand, feel forgotten, alone, and are living a life that is nomalist. PRESS ON! When depression, anger, anxiety, bitterness settle in-PRESS ON! When you don't want to read the Bible anymore-DO IT ANYWAY." I know, I know your thinking "don't want to read your Bible? or "living a life that is a nomalist?" It's sad that I have a lack and desire and passion to not read His word. I am working on that and God has given SO much grace in this. It's funny (in some sense) that we have been talking about nomalism for 6 months now and I am now just getting it, but I don't think I would have grasped it until now. Its like part of the scales that have been on my eyes, and dread that has been on my heart have been lifted. I pray that I will keep my eyes focused on the goal, and that my life is PRESSING ON, doing the right thing will be an example to my dad and that He will see God's glory through it all. His grace can sustain me. Thank you Lord for your unwavering grace, kindness & love that you continue to lavish on me. Thank you for a piece of HOPE tonight, and for the opportuniy to really engage in worship. If the valleys continue, and this season lingers on I pray that I can have HOPE for the future, that peace will invade my life, fear of man will be wiped away and a true honoring fear of you would over take my heart. May I be broken over my sin, and may conviction be strong in my life. May you be glorified. I really like this song, but tonight after Undivded I found myself continually singing these words and REJOCING that this is my God and King. How beautiful. "The hope of every nation. The joy of every heart. The King who has won salvation. The God who comes for us. All the world must see your love and majesty. THIS IS OUR GOD. THIS IS OUR KING. THIS IS THE ANTHEM OF THE REDEEMED. TELL THE WHOLE WORLD. Sing this to our God. THIS IS OUR KING. The light that broke the darkness. The champion over death. Victorious forever. Your Kingdome never ends." By: New Life Worship

Crys of my heart....

My days seem to be blending together lately, and I feel like more often than not I am constantly in deep thought trying to figure my life out. I wonder if I will find complete peace with God? Will I be free? Will I ever fear God instead of fearing man? What about being truly broken over my sin? Will I make anything of myself? What do I do with my past that seems to STILL be chanied around me? It just keeps going. SO many questions. The one thing that keeps coming to my mind is surrendering. I keep having this reoccuring picture of what surrender means to me. My hands raised with closed fist, and opening my hands to recieve his freedom-Lord please help me to recieve it. I keep coming to this same place where I have 2 choices. The first one I could just go down, but it requires asking for help, and recieving it. BUT NO I am to prideful, self-suffecient and WAY to worried about what other people think and not wanting to burden them to want to take that choice. I choose to carry it all on my own. SO FRUSTRATING. What is it in our hearts that makes us want to not want help (of course except for the fact that we are sinners). At this moment (and I hope that I continue to believe this) but even in all my pride, self-suffecient, anger, jealous, runaway from every problem self that I am. I really am starting to see where he is working in my heart. Humbling me by making me have to raise my hand to ask for prayer AGAIN. I constantly find myself thinking of every excuse in the book of why I don't need to raise my hand-way more worried about what other people think instead of recieving what God wants for me. Or how dear friends have been brave enough to speak truth in my life, even when it has not been easy. Thank you for not holding back. Or for how the past 24 hours my constantly wondering mind has given me some peace. This is not what I thought I would still be walking through years later, but if it takes me 10 more years. I hope that I will grow in many ways. Learning to give my burdens to God, that I will begin to experience or understand the things that I talked about earlier, that I will have no doubt of my salvation and in it all may each and every circumstance teach me to RESPOND the right way, to TRUST Him and to GLORIFY Him. Lord this is the cry of my heart. Help me. Pour out your strength and give me FAITH for what is yet to come. Help me to stay on the steady path, putting one foot in front of the other, ASKING and recieving the help and that leaving, or running away would not be a thought that crossed my mind anymore. Help the lies that are constantly in my heart to stop. May truths overflood my mind and may my HOPE rest in you.

Two PRECIOUS children....

I hope this post makes you smile, when you think about these 2 precious children, and the legacy their mother left them in their short years. I hope that in each picture is a beautiful reminder of their mom and the love that she had for them. Robbie you never ceased to amaze me for how you carried yourself when you first found out about the cancer, how you finished up law school, even with very difficult times going on around you and you continued on serving your family and doing the normal things in life. You were a woman of HOPE, faith and courage. Thank you for your example to me in that. I will miss you. Sometime in April, Elizabeth and I had the idea to take pictures of Lily & Mitchell and then I was going to make a slideshow with the pictures to give to her and then we were going to give her a frame(s) of one of each of the children just to encourage her and give her something to remember when days where hard. Well it never happened, and it is probably a regret that I won't forgive myself for a while. My plan is to later write a letter to both Lily & Mitchell (when I can do it without tears clouding my vision) and to put these pictures on a CD for them to have when they get older, and to give a copy to John. I still wanted to share with everyone these smiles of these beautiful children. It is long, but the last 4 pictures are worth it all! I hope you enjoy!

Though I am not worthy....

Beach Day

Here our some fun pictures from our day at the beach! I hope you enjoy them!

Happy birthday to me!

So I am WAY behind but here is all about my birthday.

Tara had me over for dinner and surprised me with my favorite 

dinner, and friends to be waiting at the door. It was SO special.

Jacob took the picture of the adults at the table (way to go Jacob)

and Jenn took about 20 pictures of just faces. I saved you from having

to look at all those but I thought you would enjoy getting a good laugh 

out of the one of me.

 

Thank-you Tara for making my birthday so SPECIAL! 

I loved that you surprised me by inviting Val, Steph and Jenn to join us and for taking the time to make my FAVORITE dinner (chicken, blackbeans, yellow rice, sourcream, cheese and taco sauce :) Thank-you for the 

yummy cake too. You are a blessing to me and I am so

thankful to be apart of your life! I love you!

(Scroll over the pictures so you can read the captions)

This is for you Medana :)

I don't even know where to begin. March was a crazy month for me. I celebrated my 27th birthday with some special friends of mine (pictures & post to come), then I did some scrapbooking, my dad came into town for a WHOLE week (craziness I tell you, pure craziness) He started another project (still has not finished all the projects that he has already started-MEN but I do have to say I love my baseboards! :) There was the Deluge retreat which was absolutely AMAZING. That will be it's own post too because God really showed up in ways I never thought possible. Then there was Easter (which was much different this year for me) Now it is April and this month is looking like it will be crazier than last month. Well since Medana would like me to post something new I thought it would be fitting for me to share the pictures of taking her older children Taylor, Colin, and also Katelyn, and Hallye to my elementary school-Lake Sybelia. They have an amazing playground and though usually no one is there on Saturdays of course this day they were having a school clean-up day (and of course there were people there I knew-I even forgot names and made a fool of myself-oh well :), and there soccer games going on in the field but we still had fun! I cannot wait to do it again! The first picture is on top of the jungle gym! (You should have seen me trying to climb through so I could take this picture it was quite funny :) My favorite one is just of Hallye. I LOVE it! The very last one was a few minutes after Hallye got hurt, but she still wanted to be apart of the group picture.