FAITH

Psalm:73:6

"My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

FAITH! How do you have faith when it feels like you are alone. No one knows you like you wished they knew you. Things are not going as planned. Finances are crumbling. Depression is taking over. Life is just falling apart. To have FAITH that the things you dreamed up as a little girl will come true. To rejoice with others. I don't know how I have faith these days but sometimes it just happens. Maybe it's because there is a piece of my heart that realizes it is not out of His control. He is good. He only asks me to TRUST. To have faith. To EMBRACE today, and to not worry about tomorrow. 
Lord help me in my doubt, in my fears, in my unbelief. Be my strength. And help me till the end of my days to proclaim your great name EVEN when the dark clouds loom, may I still have FAITH in that You are FOR me and NOT against me. 

GIve me Faith

By: Elevation Church

"I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life

All I am, I SURRENDER

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

I may be weak
But your Spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you NEVER will!"

Steady my heart

One of my new favorite songs. The words in the first verse: "Why is life so messy," "Why is pain apart of us," "Wish it could be easy," are always on my heart.  Not something you want to confess out loud yet this is where I find myself to often these days.  Instead of finding my completeness, wholeness, HOPE in Him. I am fretting about my mistakes from yesterday, what today held or what is even to come tomorrow. Like a daughter runs to her dad when she is hurt or excited to see him, I want to run to my Savior in my darkest hours instead of falling into thinking I can do it all on my own. In the messiness, in the hurt. I want Him to be my REFUGE. I hope this song, these lyrics comfort your soul if you find yourself where I am this morning.  //Even when it hurts/Even when it's hard/Even when it all just falls apart/I will run to You/Cause I know that You are/Lover of my soul/Healer of my scars/You steady my heart// 

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart 

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart 

And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart 

His FAITHFULNESS!

2011 was a year I care not to remember. It was filled with LOTS of changes in church, friendships, starting school, looking for jobs. It was also filled with many struggles, turning 30 was a lot harder than I had ever dreamed of, and should I even say it: still being SINGLE was another hard thing to embrace and learning how to truly rejoice with those younger than me doing everything I have been dreaming of.

We are now a few weeks into 2012, and I have been thinking what do I want to proclaim this year to be. How can I honor God? What is He calling me to share? What is He after in my own little world....in my heart? And after much thought I believe it should be His FAITHFULNESS. When I think of this word it makes me want to sing so many songs.

Like, Your grace is enough" by: Chris Tomlin 
"Great IS Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters in to mercy
And NOTHING can keep us apart
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God Your grace is ENOUGH for me."


Or "He has always been faithful to me," by: Sara Groves
"I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and TRUSTING His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me."

or "Great is thy faithfulness."

"Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; 
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!"

The Lord HAS been faithful and WILL continue to be as I WAIT.  In His kindness he has put me in this season to show me how He has over & OVER again provided for ALL my needs. How that through this time of going to school, being unemployed, watching friendships change, friends moving, & so much more that He has not forgotten even one small detail. He has given me everything I could ever need and that is allowing His son to die on the cross so that I could spend eternity with Him.


And when I think of His faithfulness I look back over these years (even before coming to Metro) and all I can see is the Lord's hand in every single moment. I know a lot of people (I can hear all the comments now ;) How blessed am I that I have been to so many places, so many churches and had all these experiences that are not by mistake but by His perfect plan? Even in my sin, He still brings good! And oh the families I have had the privilege to be apart of.  The ones who have loved me, taken me as there own, allowed me to be apart of everyday lives/holiday's, instilled wisdom, cried with me, prayed with & for me and then even let me be apart of their children's lives. How am I so blessed? Aww yes, BECAUSE of the faithfulness of our Father! And in this continued, unique season my HOPE will be in Him. I will SERVE Him with all my heart because of what He has DONE for me. 


Thank you Lord for this season of singleness so that I have the chance to bring glory to your name, & to love, serve and encourage those who you place in my life. Praise you because you are a FAITHFUL God!

Southern Pecan Chicken

SO here is the recipe to all my Orlando friends who have been asking for the recipe of the world's famous Southern Pecan Chicken. This recipe doubles well. I enjoy it with mashed potatoes & some yummy green beans :)

ENJOY!

4 pieces of chicken
1 buttermilk biscuit mix (you can substitute with whole wheat flour)
1/2 tsp of Creole Seasoning
1/2 tsp Salt
1 tsp Paprika
1/2 cup of finely chopped pecans
1/2 cup of Buttermilk
1.2 cup of Unsalted butter melted (it's OK to use less :)


Preheat over to 350
Combine biscuit mix, Creole seasoning, salt, paprika & pecans in one bowl
In another bowl pour buttermilk, dip chicken in buttermilk, then in mixture bowl
Place chicken into a 13 x 9 pan
Melt butter and pour on top of all the chicken

Cook chicken uncovered for one hour

"Jesus, I Am resting, resting"

I had first learn this song at Northland about 15 years ago when I had just become a believer, and just recently heard it again. I found it fitting for then as I began to learn to rest in my Savior's arm and even more now fitting now as the season of life I am in, is all about completely trusting Him to provide, for His sustaining grace and for knowing that everything that is going on right now (jobless, family's salvation, my brother in another country, major struggle in friendships, singleness) is all apart of His PERFECT plan. I am learning STILL minute by minute to release those to Him, and resting "in the joy of what Thou art, I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart." SO grateful for His continued work in my life.

I hope you enjoy the video and reading the lyrics below. Verse 3 is my FAVORITE right now :)



 


 1. Jesus, I am resting, resting In the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness Of Thy loving heart; Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, And Thy beauty fills my soul, For by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole.

 2. O, how great Thy loving kindness, Vaster, broader than the sea! O, how marvelous Thy goodness, Lavished all on me! Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved, Know what wealth of grace is Thine, Know Thy certainty of promise, And have made it mine.

 3. Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art, And Thy love, so pure, so changeless, Satisfies my heart; Satisfies its deepest glory longings, Meets, supplies its ev'ry need, Compasseth me round with blessings: Thine is love indeed! 

 4. Ever lift Thy face upon me, As I work and wait for Thee; Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, Earth's dark shadows flee. Brightness of my Father's, Sunshine of my Father's face, Keep me ever trusting, resting, Fill me with Thy grace.

 Chorus: Jesus, I am resting, resting, In the joy of what Thou art, I am finding out the greatness Of Thy loving heart.

Let me tell you how the LORD has been GOOD!

Last night, Janelle handed me an envelope and said that your friend wants to remain anonymous. It had some cash & a VERY encouraging letter. One that brought sweet tears to my eyes. I hope this person does not mind ;) but I want to share what was written and why it was it encouraging:

Katherine:
I wanted to take the time to write you a quick anonymous note to let you know that I am praying for you. The Lord knows what you need before you need it, and during this season of your life He is only going to prove His faithfulness all the more as you learn to continually rely on and trust in Him. Each step we take is a gift. Each road we walk is ordained, even if we don't understand it now. The cool thing is that when we are standing before His throne, clothed in white robes purchased by Jesus Himself, we won't be wondering whether God's plan was good or not. We will be declaring His praise, knowing that He is good, assured that everything He did was perfect, even the tough times having been redeemed by His perfect love. You are a treasured, friend. I hope this encourages you.

There was SO much that encouraged me about this letter, but especially what I put in italics. Then even after that as this sweet person talked about Heaven in all of this. The amazing thing in all of this, is the conversations, thoughts, prayers, tears, songs that I have had with the Lord lately are exactly in this small simple paragraph. Not only the money is a sign of His faithfulness, but the words too as I have not shared with anyone what was going on. He works through others in mysterious ways.

I don't want to end there though in as lately I have SEEN the Lord's faithfulness. Let me share in some of those ways:

Before I lost my job, I had enough money to pay off for the rest of the year my monthly dues for my homeowners.
I have been able to faithfully pay every bill on time, and still with a little money to spare.
I have been given money or Publix gift cards right at the time I would have needed it.
I have been able to help others serving them in a way I could have not done it while having a job.
Things that were broken, or seemed broken are fixed, without anything I did to it.


My favorite one though would have to be me desiring more of my Savior, wanting to spend time in the word instead of it feeling like it was duty. I have enjoyed seeing how I am being encouraged by Spurgeon hundreds of years later, & it being exactly what I need to here. Like yesterday, had part of the lyrics from On Christ the solid rock I stand.

"His oath, His covenant, and blood, Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand; All other ground is sinking sand."

Or how I read in Psalm 27, where "He hides me in His shelter, and to wait for the Lord, be strong, take courage, WAIT for the Lord." Even though this season has been difficult I look forward to seeing all that the Lord has in store as I continue to walk forward, with open arms, TRUSTING Him, learning from Him. I often image myself lost in worship, dancing, singing, bowing. I want to imitate that childlike faith even now, during this time, and not just image it.

"This is our God, this is our King. This is the anthem of the redeemed. Tell the whole world, let everyone sing. This is our God, this is our King!!!!"

Psalm 16

I LOVE this Psalm, especially right now, at this particularly time in my life. I remember when I received a sweet note on my birthday 6 years ago, and verses 5-6 were on there. I had just started going to Metro. I would have NOT wanted to be where I am 6 years later. I would have never planned this. I would have had that job that I have always wanted. I would have been married. I would have a few close friendships instead of not deep relationships. Family members would be saved. Life would be different.  BUT the Lord has decided that THIS (being unemployed, unmarried, relationship issues, life) IS what the LORD has chosen for me and it is GOOD! 

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”

3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight. [2]

4 The sorrows of those who run after [3] another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

7 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me. [4]
8 I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being [5] rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption. [6]

11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Paul Baloche - How great is the love

I am hoping to finish my blog post in the next few days about the encouragement I received from Godly  friends today & Psalm 16, the Lord (and a little update of my life) But I wanted to share this song we have been singing at church called "How great is the love," by: Paul Baloche. I posted the lyrics below. One of my new favorite songs. LOVE where it says "We have been ransomed, We've been rescued, we've been purchased with the price of Your own life, Thank You for the way, That You love us."


Thank You for the way 
That You love us 
How You love us 

Thank You for the way 
You have made us 

We were created 
For Your pleasure 
For Your presence 
For the glory of Your name 
Thank You for the way 
That You love us 

Jesus 
Faithful King 
Lord with grateful hearts we sing 

How great is the love 
How great is the love 
Of our Savior 

The weight of the cross 
The curse of our shame 
You carried it all 
And rose from the grave 


Thank You for the grace 
That has saved us 
You forgave us 

Thank You for the way 
You have freed us 

We have been ransomed 
We've been rescued 
We've been purchased 
With the price of Your own life 
Thank You for the way 
That You love us

A year and 8 days later.... :)

A year and 8 days later I decided to finally write something on this blog. It is actually 4:00 in the morning as I write this. Once again no sleep for me. Struggling with crazy fear tonight. There is SO much that could be said right now of what this past year has been for me, but right now in this moment I am grateful for the Lords sustaining grace, and how He has yet to let go of me despite my kicking, screaming and bad attitudes as I walked through once again difficult trials. The picture at the top of my blog represents what I pray this year will be for me. Full of HOPE. Trusting whatever might come my way knowing that this is all part of a bigger plan. I often find my heart singing a few of the same songs over and over. One of them is God moves :

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm
Deep in His dark and hidden mines
With never-failing skill
He fashions all His bright designs
And works His sovereign will

So God we trust in You
O God we trust in You

O fearful saints new courage take
The clouds that you now dread
Are big with mercy and will break
In blessings on your head
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
But trust Him for His grace
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face

So God we trust in You
O God we trust in You
When tears are great
And comforts few
We hope in mercies ever new
We trust in You

God’s purposes will ripen fast
Unfolding every hour
The bud may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain
God is His own interpreter
And He will make it plain

The others one I find myself singing are: In Christ Alone, He's always been faithful to me, How do I thank you oh Lord, Before the throne of God above, There is a Higher Throne, Jesus Thank you, There is a day. Aww such precious words that bring HOPE to our lives. I long for that day when we will be gathered around the throne singing praises to His name. With NO more tears, NO more pain. Oh come quickly Lord. 

Until next time I leave you this sweet picture of the girl I last talked about on my blog a year ago. 

Here is Gracie from her first birthday party just a few days ago as she takes on her birthday cake. 

This picture looks like it came out of magazine. SO precious! 

Happy birthday sweet girl! You have such a special place in my heart. I love you!

Meet Gracie

On September 16th sweet Grace Suzanne Mawhinney was born at 8:23 in the morning. She was 7 pounds, 6 oz & 20 inches long. Sweet Gracie was born to a young 15 year old girl who choose to give her child a better life by giving her up for adoption. It gives me chills thinking about all that this young, vulnerable girl has had to walk through this past year. How amazing to think of God's redemption, love & grace He has for not only Gracie but her birth mom. Scott, Janna thank you for your example you have been to me in the way you have walked through this LONG process. Cried out to God for His help, His provision, His wisdom. I am rejoicing with you here. Wishing you were still only a street away so I could serve your family, but I am thankful that I still have the opportunity to be apart of your lives. I can't wait to meet this precious girl. To watch what God has in store for her life, to watch Michael & Levi be the protectors of their little sister and to see all the pink that gets to enter your house now ;) I love yall!

God

It is 7:00 in the morning on Saturday, and I am exhausted but I am full of hope, gratitude and thankfulness as I am seeing God work around me & through me. I went to bed late last night partly because that whole process of me turning off the lights, going to bed & knowing that I am here alone is still pretty hard for me. About a week & half ago I had a very scary night, but grateful for how in this very difficult situation I have had friends that have gotten up at 3:30 in the morning to sit with me as I wait for AAA & then welcomed me into their home, who have listened, cared and how in this I have cried out to God to help me in the overwhelming fear & anxiety that has seem to overtake me lately. I have had some very hard circumstances in my life lately, ones that if I had known they were coming my way I would have told God "no way," and probably runaway (like I always do ;) BUT now looking back I am so grateful to see the depths of what God has done in my heart. My trust towards others, and especially Him has grown in ways I never thought possible. This is only the beginning of me changing, but isn't that part of the process of continually trusting Him daily? Just a few months ago I remember thinking, pondering my major lack of trust towards others, and toward a God who I know in my mind is sovereign, good, and has my best interest in heart. Yet in my mind I was continually not believing that He was those things. Not wanting to fall into self-pity, but just knowing my past, my life I was starting to wondering would I ever be FREE, and increasingly becoming angry towards those around me, and even angry at the God that has given me MORE than I could ever think, want or deserve. I think being "FREE" is me daily continually crying out to God for His help, talking to myself, believing the best of every situation, and rejoicing with others. This is SO hard for me, but I am grateful that my heart has turned, and God has help me direct my eyes Heavenward so that I can see the amazing power of the Cross and the blood that was poured out for me. I am learning to love God more & more, and in a new, deeper way. I am feeling somewhat free of not being held down by my continued sin, or past sin, and knowing that there is grace for today. I still hope & pray that this is my heart a week from now, or even a year from now. We serve a faithful God, and I know what He has brought me through, and probably will bring my way again is to only learn to trust Him more, to have a child-like faith and grow deeper in my walk with Him. O God of strength Your hand is on my life Bringing peace to me You know my frame, You know how I am made You planned all my days Hand of mercy, hand of love Giving power to overcome If all beneath me falls away I know that You are God

For those of you not on Facebook

Look what I received in the mail the other day. A very cute notepad with my initial of course and some gift certificates to Outback. My dad is so generous & amazing that he would choose to give these to me.

Every pattern of Vera Bradley :)

Isn't it adorable? :) Inside it has some of Vera's journal entries from 1931, and also has information about each pattern. Like when it was started, & retired. I LOVE it!! I put a $100 from my tax refund aside to spend in anyway and just to have fun. So I brought this, got a pedicure/manicure, and some fun gifts for friends children. I don't have much money left, but it has been fun!!

Haircut

SO it probably looks like I did not get a lot cut off but when you see how much she thinned out you would be surprised. There was a WHOLE lot of hair on the ground. I am trying to keep it long for the summer/early fall then going to chop it short again :) I know, I know not the best quality picture but I still wanted to show you :)

Healer

I love this song, but when I heard this little girl in the video sing it the other day this song became even more meaningful to me. SO many people recently I know lately have been dealing with cancer, health issues, death of loved ones that had battling different diseases and seeing how she has chosen to glorify God through these difficult circumstances is beyond what I can even comprehend. It made me realize that I need to have faith for these friends & family, and be in prayer for their lives. I love seeing God glorify Himself through children. He is worthy to be praised. P.S. The day she sang this song was the first day in 7 months that she had been back to church, and the pastor came up to her that morning and asked her if she wanted to sing that song at the end of the service. I think she did an AMAZING job for being so young and finding out that morning :) "I believe You're my healer I believe You are all I need I believe You're my portion I believe You're more than enough for me Jesus, You're all I need You hold my every moment You calm my raging seas You walk with me through fire And heal all my disease I trust in You I trust in You I believe You're my healer I believe You are all I need I believe You're my portion I believe You're more than enough for me Jesus, You're all I need Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You!"

I'm back....

I can't believe this summer is almost over, and that we have our last camp next weekend for work. Then I begin the process of taking over another job, plus my everyday normal stuff :) It's going to be interesting. August is going to be interesting, but i am trusting God has a bigger plan that even I understand, at least that is my hope. I am going to try to do better about keeping up with this and posting more pictures, stories, and the honest truth about what has really been going on in my life, though I already know some people are not going to want to hear it but ready or not here it comes!! BUT I thought it would be fun to start off my first blog back with something funny and boy is this funny (well at least it is to me). Just watch this video, and wait to see the bride walk down at the very end. Guess what ladies (and gentleman who read this blog) I will SO be doing this at my wedding because well I NEVER ever go out of my box, always play it safe & cool, and well I think this would be SO much fun and not my norm. I probably would be wise and choose another song because this one isn't so great lyric wise. Oh I know yall are probably rolling on the ground laughing at me, and thinking yeah right she would do that (and your probably right in some sense) but a girl can dream. Though these days I seriously doubt I will ever get married because of my past and the way things have continue to go. ANYWAYS, enough of the craziness now enjoy the video :) I can't wait to hear what you think!

Last night & something to encourage your weary soul

Last night I had the opportunity to take this precious girl out. I had SO much fun, and was so blessed by her presence. I will try to upload pictures and share more of our fun night soon :) I also wanted to share a song that I was thinking about today. He restores us again and again, and He is with us through EVERY dark valley. How kind is He. Thank you Lord for these words, and the hope that they bring to my weary soul. I pray that these encourage you as much as they have to me. The Lord Is Music by Pat Sczebel, Words by Pat Sczebel and Bob Kauflin as recorded on Psalms The depths of Your grace who can measure You fully supply all I need You restore my weary soul again and again And lead me in Your righteousness and peace You’re with me through every dark valley There’s nothing that I have to fear You are there to comfort me again and again Protecting me, assuring me You’re near The Lord is The Lord is my shepherd The Lord is The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want You gave Your own life for my ransom So I could rejoice at Your side You have shown Your faithfulness again and again There’s nothing good that You will not provide I will dwell in Your house All the days of my life I will dwell in Your house All the days of my life © 2008 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)/Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)